A Pink Floyd moment

“For millions of years, mankind lived just like the animals. Then something happened which unleashed the power of our imagination. We learned to talk and we learned to listen. Speech has allowed the communication of ideas, enabling human beings to work together to build the impossible. Mankind’s greatest achievements have come about by talking, and its greatest failures by not talking” Stephen Hawkins (Yes ok it was for a BT advert)

This week is mental health awareness week in the UK. Go figure we think so little about mental health issues that we need a week to promote it.  The message of this is that we need to talk about mental health and we need to remove the stigma. Now I will not undermine these messages as I agree with them and feel that this should be the norm.  What I want to ramble about here is the need for people to listen. Far to often I have heard people with mental health issues say that they don’t feel that they are listened to or heard. This isn’t just some throwaway comment, I know from personal experience and interactions that it stops people reaching out. If you don’t listen I can’t speak.

What do I mean?  To answer this question, I will pose another one. What stops someone with mental health issues from speaking out? (I will pause for a second whilst you all shout out the answers) The main reason is often fear. Fear of being ignored, fear of not being taken seriously, fear of it impacting on others, fear of what others will think of them.  The next reasons I will give a more personal one, I don’t want to talk out because no one actually listens, my problems aren’t important, I don’t matter.

Having posted and answered my own question I will now talk about the need to listen.  How many times have you been in a conversation with someone and had that heart thudding moment when they ask you the dreaded question “What do you think?” Why do we dread it? Probably because our minds have probably drifted away at this point, it happens we are human, and our minds cannot focus for long.  This is what I imagine everyone I talk to doing. It’s what I imagine you are doing right now whilst reading this. I can hear you all shouting “but we don’t do this”, ok but how often do you listen to the words and hear the message. As Pink Floyd said “Their lips move but I can’t hear what they are saying”

The impact that actually having someone not only listen to you but hear your message is huge. It could be the difference, it could be the only time someone has done that.  Don’t underestimate how powerful listening and hearing someone is.

When I do decide to come out of my protective bubble and talk openly about my mental health it is a deeply unnerving experience. I have mentioned above what is in my mind so you can understand that taking that step is a big one. All I ask then is the listener does some simple things in return.

1. Listen to what is said
2. Hear the message.
3. Think before replying

Not always easy in this world.  Often, we are wrapped up in our own problems but by following a few simple guidelines we could hear the message louder and clearer. As the listener, you don’t have to have the answers or magic words, for me personally, I am not looking for sympathy or you to “fix” me, I am looking to for some sort of understanding, an acknowledgement of what I have said and where I am at.

So full circle. As I mentioned at the start it is mental health week.  We are encouraging people to talk and listen, but I am encouraging you to hear what is being said. Take the time listen to the words and hear the message.   If you sit and say that you are an ear for someone if they ever need it, then be that ear and hear that person’s message.

Finally, I will leave you with some words from George Bernard Shaw “The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place”.