For me, my blog is all about growing, moving forward and developing what I want to talk about today is something that is always a key part of this. Anyone who knows me or has read anything I have written so far will know that I sort of like listening to music. That may be the understatement of the day. I love listening to music, the sounds, the lyrics, the feelings even the title of this post is a song title. Music is my key, in the age-old debate of reading, watching TV and music (we all have a favourite) music wins hands down. I have some playing in the background as I type this (Nightwish – Phantom of the Opera).
Answer me these three questions.
What is your favourite type of music?
Who is your favourite musician, artist, group or band?
What is your favourite song/track?
Three simple questions and most people can answer these straight away. I can’t and not because I don’t have answers but because the answer to these is affected by too many variables. What day is it, what am I doing, how do I feel, which version of the song, am I listening on my own or with others, is it sunny outside can I compile a short list first etc, etc, etc.
I suppose this is where I start with music and my journey and the connection. First of all, for as long as I can remember music has been there, my first album was Musical Youth (I know), but when I hit my teenage years my use of music grew. I started to get into rock and metal and I would listen to cassette tapes on my Walkman (for the young readers you better google them) over and over often falling to sleep with AC/DC or Iron Maiden playing. As I grew up, so my music influence changed and fluctuated, but music was always a constant companion. It was there in joy, sorrow, with company and in my lonely days. I can chart my life by music and my musical influences.
Music isn’t just about what it means to me but who it connects me to. A short tale. Whilst still in the military I was seeing a mental health specialist, the sessions were going ok but what really broke down my barriers was the day when I had to supply my angry playlist. On the list was I hate people and So What by the Anti-nowhere league. Not only had she heard of the Anti-nowhere League but used to go to their gigs. I was slightly surprised, very impressed and it helped drop my barriers. Go figure, I hate people made me bond with someone else, isn’t it ironic.
Sometimes a tune or some lyrics can say more than I can verbalise. One of the things I have been trying to do recently is to understand my emotions, what I feel, why I feel that way and is my reaction the right one. This has been the base of the last few sessions “on the couch”. It is an important piece of work as I generally turn all my strong emotions into an angry one. I have tried many different ways and means and to be honest I am still struggling with them (I am writing a piece about it for homework so I may post that some time). During a tough session I was asked how I was feeling, I paused and realised I couldn’t answer but I could say what tune was in my head – Toxicity by System of the Down. Now this track isn’t a particularly about depression or feeling down (it is about the state of the world), but it is my go-to song when down
“The toxicity of our city,
Now, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder
Now somewhere between the sacred silence and sleep”
It just matched how I felt at the time I couldn’t form a word for the feelings but I knew that it felt like this song.
Not all my use of music is in a negative form. I have tracks saved in playlists or online that are for one purpose. No matter how I feel or what is going on they will make me smile. For example, Mr Blue Sky’s – ELO has been the foundation of my mental safe area and it always raises my mood. Another is pure 90’s pop cheese but I challenge you not to be humming it after this. We Like to party – Vengaboys. “The vengabus is coming and everybody’s jumping”.
I could talk about songs, albums and groups and what they mean forever but I want you to consider how the music connects next time you hear a track and for now I will leave you with one last line.
“Stop being a snob with your music its made to be heard man anyone can use it” – Snob Dan le Sac vs Scroobius pip
Steve's general rambles of a confused FM player 